Confidentiality and discretion are about information, keeping what you see, hear and read in a private home to yourself, quite often under an NDA.
In the world of high-end private service, technical skills like silver service or defensive driving are the baseline.
Beyond just “keeping secrets,” discretion is a nuanced blend of emotional intelligence, professional boundaries, and a “reserved” personality.
What Discretion Really Means (It’s Not Just Privacy)
Many believe discretion is simply not repeating what you hear. In reality, it is much broader. As Laurine Mallet, co-founder of Morgan & Mallet, puts it, it’s about “staying in your place.”
“Discretion is to keep everything for you: to [not] say, to [not] repeat, to [not] over talk, overreact, also [not to] do drama… It’s a reserve of everything: your reaction, the reaction of your mouth, your body.”
- The Chauffeur Test: If a principal is discussing a football match in the back of the car, a discreet chauffeur doesn’t join the conversation, even if they are a superfan.
- The Ego Barrier: Often, staff gossip to feel important or “in the know.” A true professional finds power in saying: “It’s none of my business.”
- Personal Boundaries: Discretion means not bothering a principal with your private life. You are there to provide a service, not to seek a confidant.
Testing the Untestable: How We Vet for Trust
How do you know if a candidate will stay silent when they stumble upon a private bank statement or a sensitive family situation? Laurine does tests for it on purpose during interviews.
1. The Boundary Trap
We purposely overstep. We might ask a candidate about the most scandalous thing they saw at their last job.
- The Red Flag: They tell us the story.
- The Green Flag: They politely decline, stating: “I’m sorry, but that is a private matter for my previous employer.”
“That’s question[s] I shouldn’t ask, but I do it [on] purpose to see if he’s going to [respond]… When I ask my question I was not rude; I did it very politely, but I dare asking.”
2. The “Battersea Park” Scenario
Laurine poses hypothetical dilemmas to see a candidate’s instincts.
- The Question: “You’re in Battersea Park on your day off and see your principal with someone who isn’t their spouse. What do you do?”
- The Right Answer: You don’t wave. You don’t smile. You walk the other way and pretend it never happened.
Acknowledging the moment, even on Monday morning, creates unnecessary discomfort and “interpretation.”
“You never know the reaction of your [boss]… Maybe he’s going to think, okay, so maybe I should fire her… So in order to avoid different kind[s] of situations, interpretations, you shouldn’t do anything.”
The “Whole Journey” Approach
Our recruiters look at more than just the resume. They look at the trajectory.
Understanding a candidate’s background, whether they were a chemical engineer in the Philippines or a long-term butler for a Head of State, helps us gauge their mindset.
A candidate who has the politeness and charisma but remains humble and knows when to be invisible is the whole package.
Families want it in writing because it’s so important to them. In the 2,635 private-household jobs we advertised between April 2022 and June 2026, 47.7% mentioned discretion or confidentiality as a requirement for the role.
For many, they don’t need to put it into the brief because in this industry discretion is just a normal essential part of the role.
How We Protect a Family’s Privacy
For our Ultra-High-Net-Worth (UHNW) clients, confidentiality isn’t a suggestion. It’s written into the contract.
- Custom NDAs: Every candidate signs our own NDA, and some clients make it longer to put one of their own in there too. It can cover social media posts, even on a candidate’s days off.
- Digital Footprints: Our vetting process includes a review of the candidate’s public social media, to check they don’t have a habit of oversharing.
- Professional Distance: Even if a principal is friendly, they are not a “friend.” Maintaining this distance is the best way to ensure long-term job security.
Laurine talks about how long those NDAs get:
“We have our own NDA, but a client can have an NDA customized for him with much more content… [Ours] is one page. We’ve got one client in Paris, for example; his NDA is four or five pages.”
And on the friendly principal:
“You should never forget your boss is your boss, and never he will be your friend.”
Before you meet anyone, each candidate goes through the same checks:
- An interview with a recruiter, using questions like the ones above
- References checked by phone with previous employers
- A criminal record check
- An online and social media review
- A signed pledge of discretion and confidentiality
Advice for Principals and Candidates
| For Clients | For Candidates |
|---|---|
| Set expectations early: Ensure your NDA covers social media use, even on days off. | Avoid being an “Oversharer”: If you gossip about your old boss in an interview, you’ve already lost the job. |
| Trust the Agency: Use us as the buffer for payroll and HR issues so your home remains a “drama-free” zone (payroll in the US, UK and France). | Stay in Character: Professionalism is a 24/7 commitment. Your “body language” and “mouth” must remain reserved. |
To see how every candidate is checked before you meet them, read about our recruitment process.
Sources: Laurine Mallet’s interview on discretion; our private-household job ads, April 2022 to June 2026, 2,635 jobs, English and French versions of the same job counted once (how we gather our figures).
